Opinionated

I think in addition to my bullet point posts, every so often I'm going to take a certain topic, or person, and write about my opinion of said topic or person.
And because the Oscars are coming up this weekend, I think I'll go ahead and begin with the lovely Billy Crystal.

For the love of all things Crystal, I have to say, I absolutely adore Billy Crystal. I think he is timeless. He is hysterical. He just slides into whatever character suit he has to, and you still see a button or two of Billy, but really, he wears his suits so well.
Of course, the first movie I ever saw Billy Crystal in was The Princess Bride, 1987 which has been my favorite movie since I could open my sweet little baby eyes, so that's a plus for Billy. Miracle Max is one of the best characters from any movie. "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world! Except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that."
The way he speaks with such a lazy tongue, it's so pleasing for some reason.
And of course, another absolute favorite of mine When Harry Met Sally. 1989. "Waiter, there's too much pepper in my paprikash. But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie." Of course, both of these movies are the amazing works of Rob Reiner, which helps. But Billy is wonderful and endearing. And he makes me laugh without resorting to stupid tricks or voices, like popular comedians today (Will Ferrell), (even though I like Will Ferrell) (about 90% of the time), (maybe 85%).
Also, he has been married to his wife (FIRST wife) since 1970.
I JUST LOVE BILLY CRYSTAL.
I think if I had to put him in the order of random things that I enjoy, it would be:
1. The Geico Pig
2. Billy Crystal
3. Pita chips.

I'm so glad he's hosting the Oscars this weekend. I might even watch them. I haven't really watched award shows in the past, but I feel like I should keep updated on this stuff, and maybe write about it? Maybe I'll live blog it.

Grammar Nazi

Oh my God.

So, according to my linguistics grade, my deep understanding of grammar is not that great. I understand the basics and how to write well enough to produce an A+ paper for English class. But with the rise of social media and text language, I'm learning how to tolerate bad spelling and grammar usage.

BUT COME ON
Some stuff I get. Changing "love" to "luv" or whatever. Shortening words when you text or chat. The "LOL" and "BTW" stuff. I get that.

But common, everyday words that you just screw up because you honestly don't know any better? It's starting to worry me, America. It's starting to make me think that in fifteen years, our books will look like this:

And then i was with a women whose not lyk special or anythin shes jus lyk this girll omg lyk this girll whose gonna come wit me to the show or w/e. yea i knoooooooooo


This is how our children will learn how to read.

I'm going to start making lists of words that SHOULD NOT be part of chat or text language that people screw up daily.
I was just on Facebook and someone said "I'm in Muncie. WHOSE HERE?"
THAT'S INCORRECT.
YOU ARE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR WHO'S? AS IN WHO IS HERE? THE CONJUNCTION FORM, PUTTING TWO SEPARATE WORDS INTO ONE WORD, NOT WHOSE, WHO'S. WHOSE would identify the ownership of "here". Whose HERE IS THIS? IS THIS SOMEONE'S HERE?

And of course, people using women instead of woman. I see this a lot. "She's such a nice women."
So this person is, in fact, plural? I understand how someone can have a lot of sides to them, but I don't think that makes them more than ONE PERSON.
IT'S WOMAN. She's a nice WOMAN.

I could go on another rant of "their, there and they're" but I won't, because everyone else has beat me to it. You'd think that after so many people have taken that argument and screamed it out for the world to see, the world would SEE IT and LEARN IT.

And the "to" and "too" argument.

I just.

I just want America to not...

I thought writing in a blog was supposed to make you feel better?

As You Get Older

I'm almost 22-years-old, and as I am going forward in my 20's, I am realizing some pretty harsh truths. Let's make this a bullet point post, shall we?

As you get older:

• You have GOT to moisturize. And wash your face. I've always had great skin, and I could never use face wash because it would make me break out. I just took off my make up every night before bed and that was it. Now, I have to actually have a regiment of taking off my make-up, washing my face, using night cream, and moisturizing before bed. And I moisturize in the morning before I put my makeup on too. Otherwise, I actually get acne. Who the HECK goes through adolescence with barely getting acne, and then gets it when they get into their 20's? How is that FAIR? But seriously, washing your face and moisturizing = a must.
• Plus, when I'm 60, I'll look like I'm 30.
• You cannot eat a cheeseburger and feel well afterwards. You will feel slightly queasy, most likely fairly bloated, and you will avoid the scale for a good solid week. You will hate yourself and swear that you will never touch a cheeseburger again. And then when an informercial for P90X comes on, you'll grab that cheeseburger and chocolate shake and cry to yourself.
• You become less tolerant of ignorant sons-of-bitches. And of dramatic girls. In high school, and probably early college, you tolerated these people because you had to get through school without being that creepy kid that talks to no one, and people are only nice to you because they're hoping you spare their lives when you inevitably blow up the school. You have to be liked, no matter what. But once you start getting older, the tolerance level and the desire to be liked by everyone blows up in your face. You cannot stand people who do nothing but talk about everyone else and their problems, and you cannot stand people who refuse to be educated and/or knowledgable of the world and the people in it. 
• This can cost you a lot of friendships. But honestly, that friend is the person you sit there and mock the entire time, right? So it's not really a deep, meaningful relationship, is it? 
• You look back on your childhood cartoons/tv shows/movies with a deep profound respect and appreciation, because now it seems like all there is - is crap. But really, some of the stuff you watched as a kid is crap too, but it's YOUR crap, and that's all that matters. 
• You don't rewatch a lot of it because you don't want to ruin the amazingness that is preserved in your memory. Because rewatching it can damage it, once you realize how terrible it is. Like Bambi. That movie sucks. But it's sitting on my shelf, and emits this Disney-tinted glow and a tiny whisper that says, "I am your childhood. Adore me. In secret." (But I don't. Bambi sucks.)
• Of course, there are exceptions to this. Rewatch the classics that will never suck. Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, Aladdin...etc.)
• Your dreams have conditions, whether you like it or not. Unless you have a nice trust fund in your back pocket, you might not achieve your dream right away. It will take a lot of work. And coming out of the generation of entitlement, this will be difficult. 
• It will also be difficult when you hear that you are not capable of achieving your dream. Or it is impossible. Or you will not make it. While we come from the generation of entitlement, we also come from the generation that does not take "no" for an answer. We are dreamers. We make things happen. As you get older, you will realize that not everything will be laid down for you on any type of serving platter. You will have to work hard at it, and probably start out doing some stuff you don't want to do. But if it is still something you want as you grow, it is worth the chase and skinned knees, bruises, etc it will take to get there.
• Your parents are a lot more than just your parents. They are people, actually. They were just like you when they were your age. Now that you aren't slamming your door after hearing that you are grounded for a month for taking the car without asking, you will finally be able to listen to what they have to say. You might not always agree with it, but you might be able to actually understand it and appreciate it. You will see them as two people who had parents too, who grew up, fell in love, got married, got jobs that may or may not have been their dreams, had children, and wanted to instill their ideas, foundations, hopes, beliefs, into people they love. Now that you are growing older, they still live on whether you are still bunkered down in their garage or not. They still have ideas, foundations, hopes, beliefs to work on in their own lives.
• Metabolism will break up with you. This also deals with the cheeseburger thing I talked about earlier, but seriously, metabolism will dump you and dump you hard. It will be absolutely heartbreaking. It will take you awhile to get over metabolism, find a gym and move on. Some people never move on. But for the love of your body and the cute clothes that are just waiting for you, please, move on.

There are probably a lot more I could list, but these are the main ones that have been on my mind. I'll be 22 in less than two months, and I feel like I was just sixteen a few days ago. It's crazy how much your life can change in just a few years time. And 22 isn't that old at all. In fact, it's still really young. But to quote the good old Ferris, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."

Amen, Matthew Broderick. Amen.

Letting It All Go

I knew, deep down, that switching over to an English major was risky. Teaching was a direct path. Doing what I really want to do is going to take a lot of faith. Luckily, when I have moments of struggle and doubt, I have people who care about me and know me well enough to know how to put me back on the right track.


I have no idea where my life is heading right now. Things are so up in the air. We are praying that D.J. gets this job with Duke, because that will set us up for some security. If he doesn't, we will have to rethink a lot of things. I don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket, but right now, I don't know what else to do. 


I want to be a writer. I don't think I've said this enough, really. It's the only thing I'm truly good at, well - something like that. I don't want to say I'm good at it and in all reality I am terrible. But it has been the constant in my life since I was young, and I have to believe that this is what I'm meant to do. I'm not trying to write anything special right now - this is just a short emotional piece for me.


I just don't know what is going to happen. I have to let it all go. I have to give God the controls. He's obviously leading me down a path, I just have to stop struggling so I can see what's out in front of me. He led me from Education to English Studies. It had to be for a reason.


It's so hard to let go.


It's so hard to lose control.

Random Thoughts Are Sexy

I really like the whole bullet point thing. It worked out well in previous entries that has the same...idea. 
Here are some random thoughts circulating the main frame of my mind. I imagine there are little people sitting up there, like the Teselecta (nerd points) and they are having little mini conversations, and that's why these things are exploding from my head.

• My cat sits and stares at the wall a lot. I'm contemplating on whether or not he's plotting my demise, or if he's interested in the texture of our walls.
• I probably spend too much time watching cat videos on Youtube.
• According to Ellen DeGeneres, this is acceptable.
• I just finished watching the miniseries "The Kennedys." While I've never been all that educated on the Kennedy era, and I'm not completely sure this miniseries is all too historically accurate, I was enthralled. It was so good. And heartbreaking. So much death and love in one family. (sob)
• I've been eating a lot of cheese lately, even though I'm fairly certain that I'm somewhat lactose intolerant. (In addition to like, 4 other stomach disorders.)
• My husband can never pick out a restaurant because he's all worried that I can't eat anything. You'd think with my health issues I'd be skinny. But the truth is, I like food too much, I grin through the pain.
• I hate talking on the phone. I'd rather send a few texts, get the basics out of the way. Idle chit chat is terrible at parties, and it's terrible when I'm sitting on my couch trying to watch Ellen.
• Netflix is worse than Facebook when it comes to distracting me from my homework. They should really stop developing awesome things, the world is going to get dumber because they aren't going to study. They're going to watch "The Wonder Years" instead.
• How am I not famous yet? I'm awesome.
• Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got. I'm still, I'm STILL, Jenny from the block.
• If I could make a living off of writing stuff like this - I would be pleased as punch. SOMEONE HIRE ME.
• What does pleased as punch even mean? How is punch pleased? 
• I wish I lived in the early 60s. The fashion was just so much better. And the music.
• In my poetry class, for the first week or so, we opened up each class with a discussion about Justin Bieber. For those who know me, I'm not a Biebs fan. But I recognize that he has musical talent. Don't EVEN get me started on Miley Cyrus, I'll smack a hoe.
• Miley Cyrus covered a Dylan song. And the world died a little.
• Now I really wish I had a job doing this. I'm sad inside because I don't.

SERIOUSLY.

I'm annoyed.
I'm annoyed that people refuse to be happy.
PEOPLE DOWNRIGHT REFUSE.
It's almost as if they jump from one problem to the next, like a freaking frog jumps to a lily pad.
And they don't solve it and move on.
They talk about it until there's nothing left. They drain every last ounce of moisture out of the problem until it dries up and rolls away like a tumbleweed.
They take NO steps to make it better. They do not want to listen to solutions.
They want to TALK about it.
And when there's nothing left to talk about, OH MY GOD, SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS.
And the cycle continues.


LIFE IS SHORT.
In the whole grand scheme of things, (of course there are genuine exceptions), YOU WILL BE FINE.
You will be JUST FINE.
In fact, you will probably learn from these experiences and grow to be a better person. IF YOU ARE SMART.
If you seriously waste every single day being SAD, MAD, DEPRESSED, over things either you cannot control or you do nothing to change, then you DO NOT have the right to say, "My life sucks". YOU ARE NOT LIVING YOUR LIFE.
You are coasting by on raw emotion that will get you nowhere.
And you will piss a lot of people off.

God did not give you this beautiful gift of life so you can PISS all over it with your COMPLAINTS.

And sure, I complain sometimes. I get sad.
But BY GOD do I get over it and get over it fast. Because I refuse to live my life in the pit of despair. I choose to live the life that God has given me by being positive, as much as I possibly can, and feel any kind of happiness that's available to me, because I'm already 21-years-old and life is not slowing down.

So today. I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed at the people who cannot SHUT UP and DO something about it, or realize that there's so many reasons to be happy.

DAMN.

Some Things I'm Learning

I think I might bullet point this one.

• Ah, so professional.
• But seriously. Here are some things I have learned recently and/or am currently learning right meow.
• Just because you become a professor does not actually mean you understand what you are teaching. Or you might have a communications roadblock that prohibits you from effectively educating students. Yes, I mean you, Geography someone-so-and-so-I'm-afraid-of-getting-an-F-if-I-name-you.
• Being an English major means you have to read. A LOT. And just because you love to read does not mean this is easy. In fact, most of the time I sit and stare at the books and wish I had the ability to do what that kid did on "The Journey of Allen Strange", you know, where he read a whole book by touching it with his alien hands? Then I watch Ellen DeGeneres.
• Does anyone remember "The Journey of Allen Strange"?
• Wanting to lose weight and ACTUALLY TRYING to lose weight are, in fact, two different things. 
• Enjoying food can be an issue with this.
• Having dreams about your teeth falling out is probably the scariest freaking dream in the entire world.
• People like to complain about everything in their lives because, in all honesty, everything revolves around them. It's normal. Everything revolves around what is going on in your life because it's YOUR life and you have all these feels and stuff, and you can't compartmentalize this stuff.
• This doesn't mean you have to listen to everything everyone says. And it doesn't mean you have to sympathize. Or agree. Sometimes you can tune them out and just nod your head and get the same results. 
• Getting older is scary. People expect you to know what you are doing because you are "educated" and "old enough to know better" and all sorts of stuff. Oh, and I love this one: "You're old enough now to be able to do this on your own." Wtf, lady! (I assume always that statements like these are made by women. Women assume things.)
• When do people get the giant handbook in the mail that explains how to be an adult?
• I CAN ACTUALLY COOK NOW.
• THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I WILL.
• Watching videos of yourself when you were a newborn/toddler makes you feel all weird, like you aren't a real person. It also might have something to do with the wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey-vortex of time and space.
• There are certain people you will never get along with. As you grow older, you are capable of noticing these people ON THE SPOT. These are people that are usually thrown into the same situations that you are, and you have to see them/hear them/smell them daily. This shows what kind of a person you are. 
• I am not a good person.
• I wear my feelings on my face.
• If I scrunch my eyebrows and shake my head a little, it means you are annoying.
• You might not be annoying, really, but I think you are, and everything revolves around me in my life because that's normal, according to myself.
• Texting and driving is dangerous.
• Unless you are Chuck Norris. THEN YOU DON'T EVEN NEED AUTOCORRECT.
• I don't really understand the Chuck Norris jokes.

It's easy to keep going with bullet points.