I got the urge to write in here for some mysterious, unknown reason.
Even though school and work start back up tomorrow and it's 10:30 at night and I still have to take a shower.
I am so unprepared it's not even funny.
I got married on the 6th to my best friend. It was the most beautiful day. I couldn't be happier. We are doing really well - minus the whole living with my parents thing. But I'm incredibly grateful to my parents for allowing us to stay here until we get some money.
The honeymoon was good...New York just had way too many people. Even compared to the last 3 times I've been there. But I still love New York. I've come to the conclusion that I'm a London girl at heart though.
And the cruise was just relaxing.
We finally got to spend some time together - just us.
We got a new computer as our wedding gift to each other. He's been on it ever since. Haha.
But three weeks away from work - and not having any time to go to campus to get my books, parking pass, and change my name....means stress tonight.
Pleasant.
I don't feel like writing much more now.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Realization
I feel like as I get older, and less angsty, my creativity is drying up.
It's drying up like skin in the wintertime.
It's drying up and becoming smaller and smaller, until finally it will spontaneously combust from lack of fuel and energy.
Maybe I should become angry and bitter.
My writing would flourish and become moisturized.
I would feel the need to do something overly creative and raw.
Instead I sit here, wondering why nothing is falling out of me like it used to.
Seriously, it would just fall out of my orifices.
Like a nosebleed.
Instead I sit here on my laptop and watch my cat try to claw at something. I think it's a bug.
My goal this week is to try to be more angsty. Maybe I will be able to write a poem or something.
It's drying up like skin in the wintertime.
It's drying up and becoming smaller and smaller, until finally it will spontaneously combust from lack of fuel and energy.
Maybe I should become angry and bitter.
My writing would flourish and become moisturized.
I would feel the need to do something overly creative and raw.
Instead I sit here, wondering why nothing is falling out of me like it used to.
Seriously, it would just fall out of my orifices.
Like a nosebleed.
Instead I sit here on my laptop and watch my cat try to claw at something. I think it's a bug.
My goal this week is to try to be more angsty. Maybe I will be able to write a poem or something.
Friday, April 22, 2011
We R Who We R
Today was relatively uneventful for the most part. I went to class, and then came home, and then went to CIO (Central Indiana Orthopedics) to check out my knee. They think it's my meniscus. Fantastic.
Then I wrote a paper.
Then I waited around.
Then I went out to eat with Emily, Cloe, Angel, and her friend Bethany.
Now I'm here.
Tyler is sleeping in his "old room" that now consists of all my stuff, ie., my desk and computer, bookshelves, mini fridge and microwave, tv...couch. So he's sleeping on the couch. I kinda feel bad that he doesn't have his bed to sleep on. But I have to live here for a few more years, and he doesn't, so I guess it's okay.
I've just been pissed off about friends not really being friends and instead being selfish assholes. After my wedding I'm distancing myself. On purpose.
I swearrrr if Binx wakes me up early tomorrow I'm gonna throw him out the window. I feel bad because lately I feel like I've been abusive because I'll knock him off the bed, but he wakes me up so early in the morning doing stupid stuff that isn't necessary, even for a cat.
He likes to knead on my wicker side table, which is annoying and it is now all torn up. And he scratches my headboard to nothingness when he claws his way up to lay on it, even though he doesn't fit. Bluh.
I'm just annoyed in general.
But I had a good night with Emily, Cloe, Angel and her friend. I sat in the bar at Applebees for the first time and ordered my first drink in a restaurant. I felt very grown up.
That's all for now.
Then I wrote a paper.
Then I waited around.
Then I went out to eat with Emily, Cloe, Angel, and her friend Bethany.
Now I'm here.
Tyler is sleeping in his "old room" that now consists of all my stuff, ie., my desk and computer, bookshelves, mini fridge and microwave, tv...couch. So he's sleeping on the couch. I kinda feel bad that he doesn't have his bed to sleep on. But I have to live here for a few more years, and he doesn't, so I guess it's okay.
I've just been pissed off about friends not really being friends and instead being selfish assholes. After my wedding I'm distancing myself. On purpose.
I swearrrr if Binx wakes me up early tomorrow I'm gonna throw him out the window. I feel bad because lately I feel like I've been abusive because I'll knock him off the bed, but he wakes me up so early in the morning doing stupid stuff that isn't necessary, even for a cat.
He likes to knead on my wicker side table, which is annoying and it is now all torn up. And he scratches my headboard to nothingness when he claws his way up to lay on it, even though he doesn't fit. Bluh.
I'm just annoyed in general.
But I had a good night with Emily, Cloe, Angel and her friend. I sat in the bar at Applebees for the first time and ordered my first drink in a restaurant. I felt very grown up.
That's all for now.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Back to the Habit
I need to get back in the habit of writing...habitually.
Did you see what I did there?
I think D.J. is ignoring my phone calls. And I can tell you that's not okay with me. He's probably not, he's probably busy doing something heroic, like saving a baby or something like that.
I'm slacking on my school work because it's like...a week til finals and I'm exhausted. But I have sooooo (oooo) many projects due next week that I really should do them now so I'm not stabbing myself in the temple with a sharp object by next Tuesday. Wait for it.
I got a dry erase board and all I can think about is how my handwriting will look when I'm teaching. It's messy. And I try real hard too.
I've been DVR'ing Ellen DeGeneres and part of me regrets it (like maybe .000001%) because I've been doing nothing but watching Ellen because I had like 10 on there. She's hilarious. I've also realized that I think Jamie Foxx and I would be great friends - he's hilarious. And also I think he was on speed when he was on there, because there's no way someone has that much energy.
I've also realized...and it's taking a lot for me to admit it...but I actually like Ke$ha. Not her really...just her music. It's catchy. Plus using James Van Der Beek was a good choice.
I keep scratching my new leather desk chair. Dammit.
I miss my Harlaxton friends. I don't like the fact that we have drifted. Or at least I have. It's not okay with me and I need to fix it.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh
Did you see what I did there?
I think D.J. is ignoring my phone calls. And I can tell you that's not okay with me. He's probably not, he's probably busy doing something heroic, like saving a baby or something like that.
I'm slacking on my school work because it's like...a week til finals and I'm exhausted. But I have sooooo (oooo) many projects due next week that I really should do them now so I'm not stabbing myself in the temple with a sharp object by next Tuesday. Wait for it.
I got a dry erase board and all I can think about is how my handwriting will look when I'm teaching. It's messy. And I try real hard too.
I've been DVR'ing Ellen DeGeneres and part of me regrets it (like maybe .000001%) because I've been doing nothing but watching Ellen because I had like 10 on there. She's hilarious. I've also realized that I think Jamie Foxx and I would be great friends - he's hilarious. And also I think he was on speed when he was on there, because there's no way someone has that much energy.
I've also realized...and it's taking a lot for me to admit it...but I actually like Ke$ha. Not her really...just her music. It's catchy. Plus using James Van Der Beek was a good choice.
I keep scratching my new leather desk chair. Dammit.
I miss my Harlaxton friends. I don't like the fact that we have drifted. Or at least I have. It's not okay with me and I need to fix it.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh
Monday, March 28, 2011
Television Gone Stupid
Let me take a second and express my outrage of American society and television.
Last night I finished up watching Ugly Betty. I had heard about it when it was on television, but I never really watch live television so I missed out on it during its run. But because of the wonderful Netflix, I have had the opportunity to watch it. And I became hooked.
And last night I finally finished the 4th season. And I was upset.
I get so angry with the fact that awesome television shows get cancelled after only a few seasons (Ugly Betty, Veronica Mars...) while stupid, pointless shows go on for countless seasons (The Bachelor, Survivor...etc...). What about the people who want a storyline, characters who develop and change, plots that cover important social issues, witty humor, intrigue...? We get jipped because people want to watch Snookie, or whatever the hell her name is.
Ugly Betty was cut short because the ratings dropped after ABC kept moving their time slot to different nights. I felt so connected with this show, as I often do with strong female heroines, but especially her. As a writer myself, who deals with feeling different, but still somehow finds the positive in situations, I grew quite attached to the character. The show inspired me in lots of creative ways.
But then there's also Marc and Amanda, who I wish were my friends in real life, because they are probably my favorite characters on the show.
And the dynamic between Betty and Daniel is fantastic. I really hope there's a movie in the works, because the new fledgling relationship between them at the finale was incredibly adorable. The change you see in the characters is just fantastic, especially (and mostly) concerning Betty, Daniel, and surprisingly, Marc.
As a writer, I see a lot of connections between the characters, and I really get emotionally involved with the storylines and the people involved. It's almost like reading a book for me, because I don't just watch television for the entertainment value. I see the story. And Ugly Betty's was cut too short.
Way to go, America. Keep watching Jersey Shore and The Bachelor, while my favorite shows that have real meat to them get tossed away. Our society wants the cupcake instead of steak, so I guess I'll keep hunting for better meat.
Last night I finished up watching Ugly Betty. I had heard about it when it was on television, but I never really watch live television so I missed out on it during its run. But because of the wonderful Netflix, I have had the opportunity to watch it. And I became hooked.
And last night I finally finished the 4th season. And I was upset.
I get so angry with the fact that awesome television shows get cancelled after only a few seasons (Ugly Betty, Veronica Mars...) while stupid, pointless shows go on for countless seasons (The Bachelor, Survivor...etc...). What about the people who want a storyline, characters who develop and change, plots that cover important social issues, witty humor, intrigue...? We get jipped because people want to watch Snookie, or whatever the hell her name is.
Ugly Betty was cut short because the ratings dropped after ABC kept moving their time slot to different nights. I felt so connected with this show, as I often do with strong female heroines, but especially her. As a writer myself, who deals with feeling different, but still somehow finds the positive in situations, I grew quite attached to the character. The show inspired me in lots of creative ways.
But then there's also Marc and Amanda, who I wish were my friends in real life, because they are probably my favorite characters on the show.
And the dynamic between Betty and Daniel is fantastic. I really hope there's a movie in the works, because the new fledgling relationship between them at the finale was incredibly adorable. The change you see in the characters is just fantastic, especially (and mostly) concerning Betty, Daniel, and surprisingly, Marc.
As a writer, I see a lot of connections between the characters, and I really get emotionally involved with the storylines and the people involved. It's almost like reading a book for me, because I don't just watch television for the entertainment value. I see the story. And Ugly Betty's was cut too short.
Way to go, America. Keep watching Jersey Shore and The Bachelor, while my favorite shows that have real meat to them get tossed away. Our society wants the cupcake instead of steak, so I guess I'll keep hunting for better meat.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Nonsense that makes sense.
Painstakingly easy,
Roman Rules the evening,
sour patch kids and red vines on Fridays.
Treats for everyone.
----------------------------------------------------
I usually take a bit of nonsense and toss it up in the air when I'm feeling creatively empty.
It isn't fair that my words don't make sense when I scratch them so hard to make them become so.
They don't want to budge off of their recliners and turn the channel.
The Price is Right makes good conversation.
I'm thirsty for appreciation but I don't want to ask for a drink of water.
My cat purrs on my lap but he wants a treat.
Never say no to kitty.
The mirror laughs at me when I smile.
A 12-year-old 20-year-old without self.
Feeling heavy, heavy, hard.
Clump, clump, clump, loud feet.
Wobbly jelly can't go away.
Oh the headache.
Roman Rules the evening,
sour patch kids and red vines on Fridays.
Treats for everyone.
----------------------------------------------------
I usually take a bit of nonsense and toss it up in the air when I'm feeling creatively empty.
It isn't fair that my words don't make sense when I scratch them so hard to make them become so.
They don't want to budge off of their recliners and turn the channel.
The Price is Right makes good conversation.
I'm thirsty for appreciation but I don't want to ask for a drink of water.
My cat purrs on my lap but he wants a treat.
Never say no to kitty.
The mirror laughs at me when I smile.
A 12-year-old 20-year-old without self.
Feeling heavy, heavy, hard.
Clump, clump, clump, loud feet.
Wobbly jelly can't go away.
Oh the headache.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Beautiful
I'm doing the best with what I have,
but sometimes I wonder if it's enough.
I get up every morning and hate how I feel,
but I know that there's always tomorrow to make it better.
I'm behind in school but I work hard, so I can't do the math on that one.
People probably don't realize the struggles I have with myself,
but that's all okay with me,
I don't tend to make it known anyways,
I don't tend to talk about myself because there's not really a point.
I try to be as happy as possible,
God made me the way I am,
I should accept the way I am.
It's hard to remember how I used to feel about myself,
that I'm capable of being happy with myself,
but I can't get back to that feeling.
Instead I start crying out of nowhere and D.J. makes a face,
but he holds me and consoles me anyway.
He thinks I'm beautiful, which is all I could ask for.
I guess I could ask for more.
but sometimes I wonder if it's enough.
I get up every morning and hate how I feel,
but I know that there's always tomorrow to make it better.
I'm behind in school but I work hard, so I can't do the math on that one.
People probably don't realize the struggles I have with myself,
but that's all okay with me,
I don't tend to make it known anyways,
I don't tend to talk about myself because there's not really a point.
I try to be as happy as possible,
God made me the way I am,
I should accept the way I am.
It's hard to remember how I used to feel about myself,
that I'm capable of being happy with myself,
but I can't get back to that feeling.
Instead I start crying out of nowhere and D.J. makes a face,
but he holds me and consoles me anyway.
He thinks I'm beautiful, which is all I could ask for.
I guess I could ask for more.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I Love
I love being put on the back burner.
I love having no control over my life, but instead other people making decisions for me.
I love being the convenient friend that is always around.
Wait.
No I don't.
I love having no control over my life, but instead other people making decisions for me.
I love being the convenient friend that is always around.
Wait.
No I don't.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Suddenly I See
I smell like tanning lotion.
It's been forever and a day since I have written, and I'm not going to try to justify it. I just got lazy. I've been crazy busy with school, work, and this wedding though. But my life since 2011 has started seems quite a bit better. My attitude towards things has changed, which is nice.
School is going okay so far I suppose. 4 English classes and Astronomy. I don't particularly like Astronomy, I thought I would. I'm doing decently though, I got a 90% on my quiz. English240 is good, I like my professor. He's pretty funny. And I realized that I'm in the right major because sitting in Astronomy is so different for me than sitting in an English class. English I can stay awake and enjoy the conversation, whereas when science or math is put in front of me, I become slightly narcoleptic. All the rest of my classes are okay (English220,213 and 412. 412 is with Dr. Hartman whose classes I always enjoy).
Nothing creative though, which kind of sucks. But Nik and I collaborated on a piece, I'm waiting for him to revise it and put it all together. I'll be excited to see it when he posts it.
I've been having a lot of issues with my stomach again. I go see a doctor next week to hopefully run some tests. I have been getting sick after eating again and pretty bad pain. I'm getting to the point where I just want to swear off food all together. But I can't do that - that's bad.
D.J. got his membership at White River, which is nice. Now he, Barry, Cloe and I can work out together. We did tonight and I'm so sore. Cloe and I also tanned, so hence the "I smell like tanning lotion remark". And we ate. It was nice, I love spending time with them. D.J. and I have a bet going, I need to lose 20 pounds and he needs to lose...some amount I can't remember. Whoever loses their whole amount wins, and the loser has to do something embarrassing at the wedding.
I wish I had better self-confidence.
And I wish these stupid braces would come off. I had a dream last night they just fell off and my teeth were still crooked. It was pretty strange.
Hey Amy....I miss you
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