New Year's Eve

Hubby and I went on a date tonight. It consisted of getting ticked off because Applebee's, Chili's and everywhere else on God's green McGalliard road was overflowing with people wanting to eat my food. Instead we went to Rally's and he tried (he was so persistent) to get me to do the McDonald's rap. But I'm a failure and can never remember what comes after we be up in this drive-thru, order for two. And then there's something about Dr. Pepper. Then after Rally's (it was my first time. It wasn't bad, but now my stomach is all "Y U PUT STUFF DOWN IN ME THAT IS PAINFUL? I MAKE YOU HURT NOW"), we went and sat in the movie theater parking lot until it was time to go in. We went and saw "New Years Eve" and of course I loved it. Seeing that many stars in one production, (not counting Valentines Day because it was basically the same thing, different holiday), was delightful for me. I am the type of person who just knows about stars and can remember stuff about them. Hubby got Hilary Swank and Sarah Jessica Parker mixed up, and he didn't know who Matthew Broderick is (I gasped and looked at him with extreme shock. Everyone knows Ferris). 


But this movie gave me this instant dose of optimism. That's what good movies do. They make you feel something. And that's hard for me, I'm a stone hearted bitca. (Anyone? Xander? Anyone? I'm trying hard not to swear as much). I just realized that I am in control over my choices. While I may not be in complete control over what happens to me, I can control how I react to things. I am choosing this year to be optimistic. Lots of big changes are coming my way this year. Graduation. Moving out. Finding a job. (TERRIFIED. OH MY GOD HOW DO YOU BECOME AN ADULT? Does anyone truly become an "adult"? Do you wake up one morning with a mortgage and a baby and you're like, holy craapppp, I'm an adult! I don't think I'll ever be an actual adult. I don't know how to do ANYTHING adult like. And to quote Doctor Who, "“There’s no point being grown-up if you can’t be childish sometimes.”) But no, seriously. I have been thinking for the past few weeks about life, and what to do with it, and how short it is, and all those wonderful, deep thoughts. It's exciting to not know where your life is heading. The stuff everyone talks about, it's still in the future, waiting to happen. That's pretty cool.


I would love to write for a television show, or write a script for a movie, or something like that, and give people the feeling that I get when I watch good television. It's unlike anything else, besides a book. I'll do some of that too.  (Why is this double spaced all of a sudden? Copy and pasting, that's what kills the formatting.)


I'm going to go and do something optimistic now. Like save a kitten from a tree. Every kitten needs to be saved.

It is so funny.

It's so funny. The biggest issues in my life are the people that are in it. My personal life is just fine, really. If I didn't have to be everybody's mother, boy, I'd have a lot of free time. And my life would just be a hell of a lot simpler.
Why does simpler seem like it's not a word?
Hell, it probably isn't. Maybe. I don't know.

I'm choosing to not have any New Years resolutions this year because I never keep them. I'm just going to live my life and make good decisions to better myself without having specific guidelines in mind. That way, I won't feel like a failure if it doesn't happen, and I can continue to try without wallowing in my failureness.

My husband has to get up in 4 hours to go to work and he's still raiding on WOW. I have Torchwood on pause because I can't ever get through a full episode. I don't know. I'm only on season one, so maybe it gets better, I'm TOLD it gets better, but I just can't seem to connect with it. (Gettin' my geek on right now, by the way). Jack is so different in Torchwood than he is in Who. He's so arrogant without the charisma. He doesn't seem to have any boundaries, it's just "I'm the boss, I'll kill whoever". I don't know. The Doctor always gave choices, even the freaking Racnoss when it was going to fill the Earth with scary spider babies - and then he blows them up. Jack just takes his gun and does a quick shoot 'em up. And it's just a lot darker. I don't know. We'll see.

It's also sad that a DW pic on Tumblr made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. Let me see if I can add it.
God, Lady Gaga is a weirdo. I could go on a big rant about her. I like that song though.
I'm going to Cloe's tomorrow to watch some more with her. She's getting into it as well, but I think I still win. I FREAKING want a sonic screwdriver on Amazon so I can take it out and hit the automatic door opener on campus and it looks like I sonic them open. Because "it doesn't kill, it doesn't wound, and it doesn't maim. But I'll tell you what it does do. It is very good at opening doors."
OH. And when we were at her baby appointment, we were listening to the heartbeat, and let me tell you, hearing the heartbeat through the womb sounds like the Tardis firing up. She started BUSTING out laughing while the nurse had that gel on her belly, and she looked at us like "WTF" and all I did was make the motion of the Tardis flying...and she caught on...and then we lost it.
Being Godmommy to her baby means that she will grow up understanding the amazingness of Doctor Who, Harry Potter, classic rock, and old movies.

GEEK. I AM A GEEK.

I was like this with Buffy when I was watching it way back in high school.
Maybe not AS bad, but technology has come quite a long way since 2004.

I think I get obsessed with stuff because it's better than hanging out with some of my real friends.
(INSERT CRYING NOISE HERE). AHH.

Sometimes I wonder how I have any friends.

Copied From My Tumblr

I never write on here anymore, because my heart lies with my tumblr. A big fustercluck of Harry Potter and Doctor Who?! Count me in on THAT action.
But I do think sometimes I should write in here. So I will just copy my latest post from tumblr to get me back in the groove.

I watched “Sylvia” the other day. The movie about Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes, starring Gwenyth Paltrow and Daniel Craig. Of course it came out in 2003 and I was 13-years-old and had no idea who Sylvia Plath was. My mind has since opened and sucked in powerful worlds of knowledge, and so I latched on to this movie.

Let me tell you, as a writer, it freaking made me want to bawl my eyes out. Partially because I’m scared for my life, as I somewhat understand Plath’s madness, and as I read “The Bell Jar”, it seemed almost like normalcy when Esther descended into madness herself. But the constant word on the tip of your tongue, the constant flickering of imagery and feeling and character inside your brain, this I understand. This, with the undying urge for others to read and understand you, because otherwise you feel so alone, like your thoughts have no place in this world, this I understand. 

Of course I would never feed my children, send them to bed, and then trap myself in the kitchen and suck the gas out of my stove until I died. 

Sometimes it sucks to be a writer. Especially when you are alone. I have people all around me, all day, but they don’t know, truly know, my writing. They don’t know the words that scream in my head. They don’t know that sometimes I’d rather be hanging out with the characters in my head, because at least they get that little corner in my head better than anyone else. Or at least they listen. Sometimes it just really sucks. 

And then there’s Sylvia Plath. She knew it sucked, but there was nothing else on Earth she could do with her life. She was a writer, more than anything else, and that, plus Ted, somewhat, probably, drove her to the stove.

I wonder what my life is going to end up like.

THE ONE THING YOU KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU HAVE TO DO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE, THAT'S THE ONE THING THAT HAS THE POWER TO SCARE THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF YOU.

Honestly, I would love to write for a tv show. Work in Hollywood. Or London. I'd FREAKING DIE to work for BBC. But I think that's kind of impossible, I wonder if they only employ Brits. Does it count that I lived there for a few months?

Probably not.

Wahhhh.

Torchwood is NOT as good.

I Got The Urge

I got the urge to write in here for some mysterious, unknown reason.

Even though school and work start back up tomorrow and it's 10:30 at night and I still have to take a shower.
I am so unprepared it's not even funny.
I got married on the 6th to my best friend. It was the most beautiful day. I couldn't be happier. We are doing really well - minus the whole living with my parents thing. But I'm incredibly grateful to my parents for allowing us to stay here until we get some money.
The honeymoon was good...New York just had way too many people. Even compared to the last 3 times I've been there. But I still love New York. I've come to the conclusion that I'm a London girl at heart though.
And the cruise was just relaxing.
We finally got to spend some time together - just us.

We got a new computer as our wedding gift to each other. He's been on it ever since. Haha.
But three weeks away from work - and not having any time to go to campus to get my books, parking pass, and change my name....means stress tonight.
Pleasant.

I don't feel like writing much more now.

Realization

I feel like as I get older, and less angsty, my creativity is drying up.
It's drying up like skin in the wintertime.
It's drying up and becoming smaller and smaller, until finally it will spontaneously combust from lack of fuel and energy.
Maybe I should become angry and bitter.
My writing would flourish and become moisturized.
I would feel the need to do something overly creative and raw.
Instead I sit here, wondering why nothing is falling out of me like it used to.
Seriously, it would just fall out of my orifices.
Like a nosebleed.
Instead I sit here on my laptop and watch my cat try to claw at something. I think it's a bug.

My goal this week is to try to be more angsty. Maybe I will be able to write a poem or something.

We R Who We R

Today was relatively uneventful for the most part. I went to class, and then came home, and then went to CIO (Central Indiana Orthopedics) to check out my knee. They think it's my meniscus. Fantastic.
Then I wrote a paper.
Then I waited around.
Then I went out to eat with Emily, Cloe, Angel, and her friend Bethany.
Now I'm here.
Tyler is sleeping in his "old room" that now consists of all my stuff, ie., my desk and computer, bookshelves, mini fridge and microwave, tv...couch. So he's sleeping on the couch. I kinda feel bad that he doesn't have his bed to sleep on. But I have to live here for a few more years, and he doesn't, so I guess it's okay.
I've just been pissed off about friends not really being friends and instead being selfish assholes. After my wedding I'm distancing myself.  On purpose.
I swearrrr if Binx wakes me up early tomorrow I'm gonna throw him out the window. I feel bad because lately I feel like I've been abusive because I'll knock him off the bed, but he wakes me up so early in the morning doing stupid stuff that isn't necessary, even for a cat.
He likes to knead on my wicker side table, which is annoying and it is now all torn up. And he scratches my headboard to nothingness when he claws his way up to lay on it, even though he doesn't fit. Bluh.
I'm just annoyed in general.
But I had a good night with Emily, Cloe, Angel and her friend. I sat in the bar at Applebees for the first time and ordered my first drink in a restaurant. I felt very grown up.

That's all for now.

Back to the Habit

I need to get back in the habit of writing...habitually.
Did you see what I did there?

I think D.J. is ignoring my phone calls. And I can tell you that's not okay with me. He's probably not, he's probably busy doing something heroic, like saving a baby or something like that.

I'm slacking on my school work because it's like...a week til finals and I'm exhausted. But I have sooooo (oooo) many projects due next week that I really should do them now so I'm not stabbing myself in the temple with a sharp object by next Tuesday. Wait for it.

I got a dry erase board and all I can think about is how my handwriting will look when I'm teaching. It's messy. And I try real hard too.

I've been DVR'ing Ellen DeGeneres and part of me regrets it (like maybe .000001%) because I've been doing nothing but watching Ellen because I had like 10 on there. She's hilarious. I've also realized that I think Jamie Foxx and I would be great friends - he's hilarious. And also I think he was on speed when he was on there, because there's no way someone has that much energy.

I've also realized...and it's taking a lot for me to admit it...but I actually like Ke$ha. Not her really...just her music. It's catchy. Plus using James Van Der Beek was a good choice.
I keep scratching my new leather desk chair. Dammit.

I miss my Harlaxton friends. I don't like the fact that we have drifted. Or at least I have. It's not okay with me and I need to fix it.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh