Smeh

• I'm really sick of myself, to tell you the truth. How many times do I need to say, "Gosh, it's been a long time since I have written in my blog" before I make this a real day-to-day habit? Ugh, I am ridiculous.
• I'm also sick of myself because all I want to do with my life is write, and I don't even do it that often. I'm angry because I keep telling myself that this is my dream! This is all I have ever wanted to do! blah blah American Idol bullshit! But really, all I do is worry that I suck and I'm just completely full of myself. 
• Honestly, so many people are talented, and so many people wish they were. I don't know where I belong, if this is worth it. I have been reading articles about MFA programs and what it takes to be a writer, and I'm worried that I'm just not cut out for this. I feel cheap because I just want someone to tell me that I am a good writer and I should just keep working and moving forward. But I should know these things about myself, right? I shouldn't need affirmation. Writing is a solitary experiment, something that can only come out of my brain. 
• I just feel like I need a Simon Cowell of writing to tell me whether or not I should quit my day job.
• I can't quit my day job, I have bills to pay. 
• Sometimes, especially this week because Brooke is gone and the whole office has gone to hell, I wish I could quit my day job and just work from home.
• Sometimes, I wish I was intelligent enough to just write pieces for magazines or newspapers, and people would read them and beg for more.
• Sometimes, I'm actually jealous of "Ask Phoebe" from Charmed because she was just handed that job, for crying out loud! I can't find a writing job to save my life! I'm working as a legal secretary and I've probably gained 10 pounds because of the stress!
• I can't even do what I want to do because what I want to do is not offered in central Indiana!
• Why did God give me these dreams and aspirations, and why did He put all these words and ideas into my head if not to set them free?! 
• This whole blogging thing was supposed to be cathartic but now all I am is pissed.
• Wine, wine, wine.