In the middle of everything, I would much rather have a cup of coffee and watch my television shows than deal with any of this. It isn't fair how everything piles up and tips over when you are trying your best to find composure. I had barely a leg to stand on, let alone to balance on during this last month. But I am making it through. I don't know how, but here I stand, leg and all.

Work has been stressful, but I manage. I would really enjoy a raise, but I know this isn't the right time to ask for one. I just think it a bit ridiculous that I make the same amount as when I barely worked a few days a week and wrote memos, but now I work 20 or so hours a week (which as a full time student, that's quite a bit, especially since I don't work weekends) and I have so much more responsibility. But I must remind myself that I am blessed to have even have a job, especially one so close to home.

School is almost over. It's finals week and I have finals Thursday and Friday. I will be absolutely elated when Friday is finished. This semester has been excruciating, but I expect okay results. I know I am at least getting A's and B's. I've worked extremely hard, and I will only really miss one class. Another I enjoyed but do not mind completing. The rest  I will enjoy never having again. I'm looking forward to next semester, but I'm very glad I have a few weeks off.

The stresses of friendship has almost been the most prevalent, right under schoolwork. Not knowing how things will turn out has been stressful enough. Feeling inadequate and unappreciated has been a whole other issue. I have decided that one of my New Years Resolutions will be to take care of myself first, and the rest will follow. I cannot handle carrying everyone's baggage on my shoulders and handle my life at the same time. My back is tired.

Wedding plans are starting to bloom again. I have found my photographer! It is one of my mom's friends who does the photos for the hospital. He's very good! I cannot believe it is less than 8 months away.

I'm in need of a writer's place. *sigh*

Maybe a little A Fine Frenzy for tonight?
Cue: Bird of the Summer - A Fine Frenzy

You came with the season, as the first swallow sang
A brown headed stranger, with a five-letter name
we planted our kisses where the wild berries grow my feet sprouted wings and i flew all the way home dooodoodoo

my cheeks red like fire engines racing straight to the heat of your skin
and i know our days are numbered, early bird of the summer you'll fly south just as the fall begins

the leaves changed their colors and the schoolyards were filled
my coat with the patches barely keeps out the chill dooo
you sent me a postcard from a town out of state, i wish it were warmer and i hope you're the same doopdoodoo

the fields where we wandered were golden
now only muddy my boots
and i know i should recover, you're a bird of the summer, i was wrong to try and capture you

Flight
Flight

gone is the pale hand of winter
here is the first flush of may
and soon I will discover whether birds of the summer fly in circles or just fly away